5 Steps to become a Master Procrastinator

5 Steps to become a Master Procrastinator
Photo by Mark König / Unsplash

I swore to myself that I would channel my creative forces into one fresh article per week. My deadline is in...5 minutes?

Hence, to keep up appeareances (and my bet on stickK), I've called my saviour, Sir ChatGPT to write for me an essay on procrastination. I submitted my prompt as a joke, but the resulting text was better than expected. Seriously, what am I doing?

After writing the above paragraphs, I've put them into ChatGPT to check for errors. Wrong decision.

I'm genuinely terrified right know. I'm not even sure I want to publish it anymore, but hey, here's the art born by the hand of my "saviour" Sir ChatGPT.

Ah, procrastination, the sweet siren song that calls to us all. The devious art of delaying, postponing, and deferring the inevitable. To some, it may be the bane of their existence, a perpetual thorn in their side. But for those of us who have honed our skills in this elusive craft, procrastination is a way of life, an art form to be revered and admired. In this cunning essay, I shall reveal the secrets of our trade, so that you too may become a master in the art of procrastination.

Step 1: Embrace the Power of Tomorrow

A wise person once said, "Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?" This is the mantra of the seasoned procrastinator. Tomorrow is a powerful concept, filled with infinite possibilities and the promise of a fresh start. The idea of having an extra day to complete your task, without the pressure of today's looming deadlines, is enough to quench the thirst of even the most parched procrastinator.

Step 2: Master the Art of Delegation

Procrastinators are excellent at identifying others who can complete their tasks for them. In our pursuit of putting things off, we become skilled in the art of delegation. We are adept at convincing friends, family, and co-workers that our tasks are a perfect fit for their unique skill sets. Remember, true procrastinators aren't lazy, they're just resourceful.

Step 3: Cultivate a Rich Inner Life

The ability to daydream is an essential skill for the accomplished procrastinator. When faced with a daunting task, the seasoned procrastinator can effortlessly drift into a world of fantasy, allowing hours to slip by unnoticed. It is important to cultivate a rich inner life, filled with colorful characters and intriguing scenarios, to provide ample distraction when the pressures of reality become too burdensome.

Step 4: Develop a Love for Lists

Lists are the procrastinator's best friend. They provide the illusion of productivity while simultaneously offering endless opportunities for delay. Start by making a list of tasks that need to be completed, but don't stop there. Break each task down into smaller sub-tasks, and then into even smaller steps. Revel in the satisfaction of crossing items off your list, knowing that you are making progress, albeit at a glacial pace.

Step 5: Become an Expert in "Productive Procrastination"

This is the crowning jewel of the procrastinator's toolkit. "Productive procrastination" involves completing tasks that, while not directly related to the task at hand, still provide a sense of accomplishment. Clean your room, organize your desk, or even write an essay on procrastination – anything that allows you to feel productive while still expertly avoiding your primary responsibility.

In conclusion, procrastination is not a vice to be shunned or a flaw to be overcome. It is a skill to be honed, a craft to be mastered. By embracing the power of tomorrow, mastering the art of delegation, cultivating a rich inner life, developing a love for lists, and becoming an expert in "productive procrastination," you too can join the ranks of the elite procrastinators. So, why not put off writing that blog post for just one more day? After all, there's always tomorrow.